By Claire Nicole A. Mendoza

Did someone in your life suddenly disappear out of the blue? And then, you feel this haunting silence — the need for an explanation and an acceptable reason. If so, congratulations, you are #NaGhost-Oh!

Ghosting is the unexpected and abrupt termination of communication with another person without a warning. And yes, it is a form of hurtful rejection. A minute of replying turns into an hour, an hour turns into a day, a day turns into a week, and then it suddenly stops. Everything between you suddenly stops… without you knowing what went wrong. Ghosting happens to people who are not romantically linked with one another as well. A happy and complete family, a fun and rewarding workplace, and long-term friends can all experience it. It happens to anyone and anywhere. Some people think that ghosting is the easiest way to end a relationship. You don’t need any arguments, drama, questions, answers, nothing – you need nothing. “Ghosters” do this to escape uncomfortable situations. Although they stay away from drama, their actions will undoubtedly have an impact in the future.

It makes us feel frightened and uneasy to be ghosted or even to believe that we are. But how will we know if someone is trying to ghost us? Here are a few indicators to back-up your intuition…

1. They barely respond to your texts, calls, or even emails.
2. They avoid sharing specifics about them.
3. They find it difficult to commit.
4. They keep giving excuses every time you want to meet them.
5. Their words and deeds are vastly at odds with one another.
6. They never talked about your future together.
7. They are unbothered to all your efforts.
8. Your relationship is being kept secret.
9. They seem uninterested and lack depth in your talks with them.
10. Your instincts are warning you.

Ghosting has become so common these days (thanks to technology!). Some of our colleagues were also caught up in this phenomenon. Let’s hear from those who were ghosted and from those who used to be ghosters, how did this happen.

Na-Ghost ka na ba?

“Nawala na lang bigla ‘yung update-an. Bigla na lang din nawala yung spark. Hinayaan ko na lang siya, hindi ko na lang siya tinanong kung bakit ganoon yung nangyari. Napapaisip na lang ako, bakit mabilis ang mga pangyayari. Ang mahirap pa doon, katrabaho mo pa at kailangan mong kausapin…araw-araw. Hindi pa ako nakakamove-on kasi wala pa akong closure na natatanggap mula sa kanya.” (Anonymous, Technology)

“Nasanay kasi ako na magkausap kami palagi, pero alam mo ‘yun… malalaman mo rin kasi kapag ayaw na nya e, hindi na same yung energy n’yo. Nahurt ako ng konti, kasi pili lang talaga yung kinakausap ko tapos gano’n pa. Natutunan ko na, hindi ko dapat ipilit yung sarili ko sa taong ayaw sa akin. Kung mahal ka o mahalaga ka sa isang tao, di ka nya hahayaang mawala.” (Anonymous, Toll Collection)

“Ghinost ako nung isang boss ng dream company ko. Actually, siya itong kumontak sa’kin to apply daw sa company na ‘yon kasi matagal n’ya na akong kilala and alam na n’ya yung mga capabilities ko. So ayun, nagundergo ako sa series of interview tapos all of a sudden, nu’ng siya na yung mag-iinterview sa akin, biglang wala na.. hindi na sumasagot sa text, calls and even emails. Hinayaan ko na lang, iniisip ko na lang.. it’s your loss, not mine.” (Anonymous)

Nang-ghost ka na ba?

“Oo, noon. May incompatibility kasi during nu’ng process ng ligawan. Sobrang lakas kasi ng personality n’ya, feeling ko hindi n’ya babaguhin yung incompatibility na ‘yun para sa amin at hindi s’ya papayag ng walang paliwanag lahat ng actions ko. Kaya ayun, hindi ako nagpaliwanag, ghinost ko na lang sya.” (Anonymous, Technology)

“Madalas akong mangghost ng mga taong alam kong hindi sanay tumanggap ng paliwanag. Binabase ko kasi yun sa pagkakakilala ko sa isang tao e.. malalaman mo naman kasi agad na mag-uubos ka lang ng oras and energy kapag nagpaliwanag ka pa sa kanila. Sarado kasi ‘yung isip nila.. and syempre ang pinaniniwalaan lang nila is yung akala nilang tama sa paningin nila. Kaya ayun, I cut-off those people sa buhay ko, nakakapagod makausap yung mga gano’n.. kasi parang kailangan mo laging magpaliwanag, kailangan mo laging ipaglaban yung karapatan mo.” (Anonymous)

This whole ghosting phase may hurt us a little while. But… we will get through this! Acceptance is the first step to take. Accept the fact that we cannot undo all the actions we have done. Accept the fact that not all our efforts, attention, and love will be reciprocated the way we want it to be. Accept the fact that not all the people we meet will stay until the end. Next, allow your emotions. No matter what you feel, it is valid. Remember that it is not you, it is all about their lack of capacity to commit. And no matter what, don’t try to contact them if you don’t want to experience again the hardships you went through. Lastly, bear in mind that rejection is just a redirection. This hurtful rejection will redirect us to things, people, and opportunities that are way better than the ones we expected. 

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